I’ve been avoiding writing this for a while now. I wasn’t quite sure what I thought about it…or how to put it into words. As many of you know…I took a sabbatical about a year ago…had some internal stuff to work on. It’s been a long year. Good and bad in many ways.
Part of what I was facing…was the possibility of relapse, which turned out to be true. During all of the chaos from the past year that I was dealing with in my life….the stress…led to me not eating well, not exercising, not taking care of myself…and eventually led to relapse. Turns out I was never diagnosed or treated for Babesia…which can render Lyme treatment ineffective. Yay me!
I am currently on treatment again. Struggling….again. But determined as ever to beat this…again! The one plus I can see is I am much more educated this time around. It’s not as overwhelming. I know what to expect, and what I have to do. So, in that sense…it’s easier. More difficult is the realization that I just may be one of those people that can’t get completely rid of the lil buggers (until we have a cure)…in which case, I have to work extra hard to manage it and maintain a decent quality of life.
It’s hard for me to share this…because I don’t want anyone to lose hope. I do still believe that we can get our lives back…and beat this….in time. It’s just a matter of each of us finding our missing puzzle piece….and then it all falls into place. No one ever said it would be easy.
So….in the face of relapse…what do you do? You grieve…first….cry, throw a fit, do what you must. Then, you pick yourself up by the bootstraps, brush yourself off, and say…alright…let’s do this! You find a doctor you trust, and you treat however you can manage. That’s the obvious part.
Being able to afford a Lyme doctor and treatment…can prove to be challenging….but that’s another conversation for a Random Rambling post.
What I am putting my focus on….at this moment….is being gentler with myself….and committing to taking care of myself…inside and out….every day. It sounds so silly that taking care of myself could be so difficult. You would think it would be the obvious, natural thing to do. But how many of us sacrifice what we know helps us feel better and be better people…..just to make ends meet….or because we’re just too tired to cook or exercise…or do anything.
That’s where I’m starting. Taking care of me. It requires discipline. It requires commitment. It requires facing fears and having courage to do things differently. It requires stepping out of our comfort zone into our deeper selves….and being willing to change the things that need changing….inside and out.
I don’t see any other way. We are creative beings. We manifest in our outer world what we believe and feel in our hearts. It doesn’t matter how many antibiotics I take….how many doctors I see…
~If I do not learn how to eliminate stress, and increase joy in my life….I will continue to be sick.
~If I do not commit to eating foods that heal me and support my body and immune system…I will continue to be sick.
~If I do not learn to be my authentic self always….and stop giving in to the external judgments and expectations placed on me….I will continue to be sick.
~If I do not eliminate the people and things in my life that are toxic…I will continue to be sick.
I may not be able to control the pathogens that are slowly destroying my body…..but there are a whole lot of things I can control that ultimately will determine the strength of my spirit and my body….and eventually…will beat those pathogens.
I’m focusing on what I CAN do….and I am letting go of the results outside of that. Whatever will be….will be. And I’ll be fine no matter what. That much…I know.
So for all those out there who are struggling….or taking care of someone who is struggling…don’t give up! We are some of the strongest people I know! And we can and will get it through it! Day by day….moment by moment.
Love, joy, laughter….are the best medicine. Find your smile and don’t let go. Share it as much as you can, especially with strangers. Hug as many loved ones as you can every day. Smiles and hugs are free….and some of the best healing tools out there!
We’re in this together. And together…we’ll get through it.
There is life before, during, and after Lyme disease. Hope is where it all begins.