It has taken falling down the rabbit hole to realize that I have to climb out. No one else can do it for me. I have to do it. And it is no easy task. But, I’m up for the challenge. It’s soul work.
It occurred to me….that I have spent my whole life going backwards trying to “fix” all the broken pieces….some of which I still have yet to find…..and it hit me……we can reflect if we need to…..but ultimately….it’s the choice to accept, let go, and be present…..and sometimes that is the hardest thing to do…..and sometimes…the easiest…I’m finding at this point in my life that I am so tired of fighting….surrendering finally feels good.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mean surrender as in give up. I mean surrender as in accept whatever it is that is before me without judgment. Removing the expectation that things should be any different than what they are. And part of that acceptance has to do with accepting myself (ourselves)….good, bad, ugly, and indifferent.
While the majority of what I have been struggling with is not Lyme related….I have come to the realization that it is all connected…
I have been Lyme free for close to 3 years now….all the while struggling with learning to take care of me…all the time….while on the verge of relapse….
I have known even at the beginning of this journey that the biggest lesson this disease has to teach all of us is exactly what it means to take care of ourselves, inside and out…and that is different for everyone. Even larger scale….this is what all chronic illness has to teach.
It has been increasingly clear to me that unless and until we learn to dig deep….shed the old layers….and get to the core of our being….define ourselves through our spirit and authentic selves rather than our past, our family, our status, our job, whatever it may be for you…..unless and until we do this work….from the inside out…..we will continue to struggle physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and otherwise.
Losing a very dear pet unexpectedly reminded me that none of us know how much time we have on this planet…even healthy people drop dead with no warning….so even more important to live each day in authenticity, gratitude, and love.
I have had to make some hard decisions recently. I have had to look at every aspect of my life….I have questioned everything….and it became clear that I need to do some serious restructuring. And for the first time in my life I have no idea where that will take me….except for deeper within.
I have to heal my relationship with my own body, my own mind, my own emotions, my own spirit…..and let the rest fall into or out of place as it will. It is all about finding balance.
The beginning of that is finding balance amidst the day to day requirements of survival. Making time to eat well, meditate, do yoga, instead of letting the rest of my responsibilities dictate when I can and can’t do these things (the very things that keep me in balance!)
I’m making some big life changes, and I’m excited about it! I know it will be a lot of work, but I’m up for the challenge. It’s soul work.
~~~The reason I am sharing this is not only to hopefully inspire you to do your own soul work and ultimately help in your healing….but also because I have decided to take a break from Lymeland in general while I dig deep to find my balance.
But don’t worry. I’ll be back, with gems to share!
Enough rambling….
As the Winde blows….I will come again!